ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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