If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
