please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
