After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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