I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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