Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
