I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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