dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize