Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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