Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
