Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
