Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
