So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
