At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
