I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
