In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
