You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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