i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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