things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
