so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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