i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
