Plan B is the new Plan A
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
