so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
