I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
