I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
