I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
