Kareoke will never be a sober sport
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
