too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
