susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
