some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
