I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
