dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
