I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
