that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
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