Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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