When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
