Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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