Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
