i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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