It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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