so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
