I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
