I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
