On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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