It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
