All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
