he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
