so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
