dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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