Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ugly people sure do ruin things
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
