Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
